Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
