Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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