So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
