he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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