My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
