i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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