You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
