if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize