girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
