When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
