I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
