Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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