I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
