The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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