This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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