I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
