As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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