im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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