Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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