my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
