My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
