Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
