He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
