i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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