Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just invented taco cereal.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
