Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
