put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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