he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
