guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
