Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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