No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
