youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
