white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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