I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
