Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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