i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
