I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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