I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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