help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
