Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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