I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
tell me about the fingering
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