you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
organizing the empties. That sober.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
