You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sext me about skeletons
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize