If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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