Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
