if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
