Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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