my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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