im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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