his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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