If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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