I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
