my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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