I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
