Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
