My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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