There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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