There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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