So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize