Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
