watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
