It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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