all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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