Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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