i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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