Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
