sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
