If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
