i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
