Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize