just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
