I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
