"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
