awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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