Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
