i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
