Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
