i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
