That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
