If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
