hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
