I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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