this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
