I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
