; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
