I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
