its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
