Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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