just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
