I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
