I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
