i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
