Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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