i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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