I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
