u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
