I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
