i dedicated my morning wood to you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
