I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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