im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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