When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
