Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
home. puking in laundry basket.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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