i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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