I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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