Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
