You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We just shotgunned beers for America
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
