my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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