Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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