Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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