I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
