the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
His nipple licking is glorious
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