youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
