You made me cry and you don't even care
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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