Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
