All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
