I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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