Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize