1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize