I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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