i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can't motorboat a personality
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
