saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
