I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
