who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
