i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
