Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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